Down for the count...........

Well the count down until my hip revision surgery has begun. I have less than a month to prepare for being away from home and in all honesty completely out of control of ANYTHING. I find myself thinking God has got to be amused at me first even thinking I had control of ANYTHING.

The past few months I have learned many lessons. One being that I still had some deep emotions and fears from the past involving my car accident 21 years ago this January. It is amazing to me how smells in the hospital and noises from machines can trigger memories that reminded me of a very dark time. I accepted Christ when I was 16 but he did not become real and Lord of my life until that time in my life. Many many blessing came from that year more than just my physical body was restored. So I was really surprised to see the emotions and fears return full force. Most people say fear comes from the unknown but in my case my fear comes from knowing exactly what is to come.

Jesus showed me AGAIN the verse 2 Timothy 1:7 For God has not given us a spirit of fear but of power and of love and of a sound mind. So with that verse I began reciting it aloud OVER and OVER again. I am completely confidant that God is going to handle all the details needed for me to be away and then back home basically needing the house to run because I know that the world will not stop.

My fears are now thoughts of peace and calmness that whatever happens is God's perfect will for me. My children will survive and get to where they need to be and not feel abandoned. The laundry,cleaning and meals will get done as well. My girls are wonderful and probably reading this and getting mad that I still think of them as if they were still 2 and 4 years old. I feel Jesus is telling me very loud and clear all those things are just not that important Martha!!!

The past few months of my life coming to a screeching halt literally, has made me find lots of time to pray and just sit at the feet of Jesus. Knowing that the laundry and the cleaning and the bills can wait. And for that I am grateful and feel blessed that he chose me to go through this trial.

Thanksgiving- 2009